Most people my age are living on their own in facial peril that could either go wrong or work out in the end. I am still at home. And so is my fiancee. This was a conscious decision on both of our parts and our parents supports us.
We both attend school and work 30+ hours a week. The money that we save will be put toward our future together, and we will avoid the stress that a lot of couples go through. We are also not planning on having such an elaborate wedding. That does not, however, keep me from window shopping. Which has turned into a little bit of a guilty pleasure and a way to work off some excess stress.
One thing that we have agreed upon focusing on our strengths. This means that I will be the one that does the majority of the planning since I love the aspect of working out detailed plans. Then when it comes time to deal with the various vendors and the actual setup on the day, I will deferred these tasks to him.
We intend to given the other a say in the choices that we make independent of one another. But we have still clearly defined the roles that we will fill.
For example I had been in invitation mode for a while and I wanted something a little bit simpler, maybe more elegant than the general invitations. I found a site called Galet (this means pebble in French) Press which has some really cute options. Then I found that they had some more elaborate ones that took it in a different direction. I thought that they were absolutely gorgeous, and my fiancee like them, too. Then he voiced the concern that by making them so decorative, they may feel dated in some time.
I thought about this, and though I feel most wedding invitations look dated, some could look more dated than others. So we are leaning back toward one of the simpler styles that they offer.
It is small things, this back and forth, I guess you would say talking with your partner that makes the whole process rewarding.
That means that I can also really get into talking about options, details, and planning and he will sit there and listen to me. One day I wanted to go over some things with him. We started the conversation with flowers and a couple of hours later we end with the music. I think that for a lot of men that would be more than they are willing to do, they would get confused because they were bored and just not follow along. When I try to do is ask him specific questions, get his input, as we go. That way just one element is under discussion at a time, he does the same for me, and we have found that this can help a lot.
We also figured out that it was better to talk about this stuff at more defined times, so that it wasn’t constant. I would ask him if he was up for talking about some wedding stuff and we would both stop whatever else we were doing and try to make some choices together.
According to patch.com the number one reason couples break up is due to a lack of communication:
1. Lack of communication. This is one of the major reasons why divorce happens. Distance is created quickly if you don’t share your feelings, don’t tell your partner what’s happening, and keep your feelings to yourself. A successful relationship constantly keeps the lines of communication open.
When it comes to the cost, we are in totally agreement, affordable. And affordable does not mean cheap. Now I know how some people in the wedding scene might take that. I call it the wedding scene because I get the impression that some treat getting married like a hobby. That is not how I perceive it, but then I do spend more than a little time on it so people from the outside might see it as my hobby. I typed all of that because I think when people here me say cheap, they imagine some weird wedding where the guests don’t get anything. Granted that would feel strange, but it isn’t what we mean. It means shopping around, weighing each option and generally informing ourselves about what is coming. That gives us room to plan some ways to make the wedding special, nice and at the same time affordable. This goes for everything including the decor we’re going to pick as well as our plan for the wedding ceremony itself, everything.
So no matter what you are going to be doing, I’d recommend stepping back. Take an honest look at who you are any spend time and determining what your strengths are.
We knew that we were patient. Some of our friends have gone ahead and gotten married before they finished. And I know that they are having a hard time, both financially and through the stress. I know that they will be able to work through it, but it is stress that nobody needs. So define your strengths. Find a good balance of time that you can dedicate to your strengths and then work without it becoming overwhelming.
If you want make it fun, that is what I did. And I seriously look forward to doing it. For me this was a great way to work on it without the anxiety.